Tuesday, August 30, 2016

ODIN REVIEWS POTATOES

That's right, you fuckin heard me: Potatoes. Specifically: Potato Warriors. More Specifically: A weapons shop for Potato Warriors run by Potato Blacksmiths.

So what the fuck am I actually talking about? This:


Pretty fucking magical, right?


So you start off playing the lovable oaf who inherits the blacksmith shop from a dead grandpa. Or rather inherits the labor contract, because apparently, Uncle Moneybags (actually named Agent 46 in game) owns 99.99999999% of the profit. And you have to work off your grandfather's debt too.

So it's a Reality Simulator too!!

http://www.holypotatoesgame.com/presskit/




HAHAAAAA- REFERENCES!
The characters, objects, and world map is full of delightful puns pertaining to pop culture and other video games....and potatoes. It's a spooftastic delight!
http://www.holypotatoesgame.com/presskit/

GAMEPLAY
So if you are a filthy casual like me, you might be aware of how time management games work. In this game, you craft the weapons, then make sure the weapons have a specific set of buffs based on whoever the hell you decide to sell it to later.

There are other aspects that fill your task-list fantasies such as:
  • Leveling up adventurers through YOUR weapons. Do that by shoving your shit in front of their faces so they will give you money.
  • Upgrade your shop with THINGS to make MORE weapons.
  • Discovering NEW and SHINY pokey things in order to make MORE profit
  • Some apparent Oscars of weapons that you can go into but I haven't really gotten that far into the game in order to be allowed to participate so....idk
  • Weird additional smiths that portray pop culture parodies
  • Send those smiths off on expeditions so you can get raw materials without having to BUY SHIT
  • Send your smiths on vacation because they get depressed almost as fast as I do!
http://www.holypotatoesgame.com/presskit/



This game is also a rogue-like. Which means when you can't meet your quota to Agent Dickbag, it's Game Over. When it's Game Over, you start ALL. OVER. AGAIN.

Unless you are me, then you say "fuckitall" and go do something else to cool your jets. And then don't touch the game for months because you have to be EMOTIONALLY PREPARED.

FINAL THOUGHTS
It is enjoyable for a while, but it does tend to require a lot more brain power than I have to spare in order to keep track of who I'm selling to and maxing out adventurers. I'm also one of those weirdos who refuses to not progress until I have all my bars filled, upgrades purchased, and artifacts discovered.....so it probably takes me longer to play it than it really should.

I literally have written out tables to keep track of all this shit because like hell I am capable of memorizing it all.

Some people play games to relax......pshhhh

So me, eh I think I got my money's worth, since I got it on a Steam sale. I think if you are really into strategy games, or Cake Mania, you'll probably enjoy this.



So that's it from me.....I think I'm gonna go do something relaxing....right when I figure out what exactly it is that makes me relax in the first damned place....

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